i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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