How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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