hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
