Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
