why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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