just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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