I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
