can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
