dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
