Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
