I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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