He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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