The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
