Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
