I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
