someone owes me an orgasm
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
