Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
