I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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