I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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