my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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