I am puke
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She announced her abortion via fbk
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
