$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
