oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
