Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
