i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
