Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
