she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
