dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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