I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
