i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
