and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
