Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
