We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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