please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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