i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
