The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize