im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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