just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
