I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
