Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
