I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
