I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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