I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
