I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
