My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
