yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
