Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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