Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
