i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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