Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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