he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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