im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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