Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
