She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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