The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
