Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
