I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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