i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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