hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
