you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
