Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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