I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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